Page Two

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Famous Toothless People



Definitions of fear on the Web:

  • be afraid or feel anxious or apprehensive about a possible or probable situation or event; "I fear she might get aggressive"
  • be afraid or scared of; be frightened of; "I fear the winters in Moscow"; "We should not fear the Communists!"
  • an emotion experienced in anticipation of some specific pain or danger (usually accompanied by a desire to flee or fight)
  • be sorry; used to introduce an unpleasant statement; "I fear I won't make it to your wedding party"
  • concern: an anxious feeling; "care had aged him"; "they hushed it up out of fear of public reaction"
  • be uneasy or apprehensive about; "I fear the results of the final exams"
  • reverence: regard with feelings of respect and reverence; consider hallowed or exalted or be in awe of; "Fear God as your father"; "We venerate genius"
  • a profound emotion inspired by a deity; "the fear of God"


    		• The dentist who will perform the
    procedure on me has an entry in this book.

    Should I be happy about it or more frightened?

    Saturday, February 25, 2006

    To help keep my mind from obsessing, I have come up
    with a game.  I hope it gives you a moment's
    happiness.   And, while you are experiencing this
    happiness, think of me, miserable and self-loathing.
    Think of me, sitting here, calendar in one hand
    and mirror in the other, looking at my present and
    my future.  Play my Game.

    Saturday, March 4 (2 days to extraction)

    I had a busy week so I hadn't had a chance to update.  However, it was not without a great deal of anxiety and apprehension over this event which will take place on Monday morning.  My anxiety started a few days ago when I got a call from the oral surgeon's office asking if I could arrive an hour before our scheduled time.  This means that I get an hour less of having my teeth in my mouth.

    What's gonna happen is this.  I am having my two bottom teeth removed from my mouth and, a few days after the gums calm down, my dentist will re-attach them like a bridge.  It's called splinting.  That way, I can have my teeth back but it's not the same.  They won't be alive.  It's like Re-Animator.  I will have these "zombies" in my mouth.  They will look and function like mine but their SOUL will be removed.  Is a tooth only a tooth when it is still attached to the umbilical cord which is me?

    So, I was working in my house removing some old carpet from one room.  I was pulling and tugging the staples up with my pliers and felt inspired to write.  Is that what the dentist will do to me?  Stand over me with a pair of pliers and tug?

    Okay, I'm having trouble breathing right now.  I need to take a break.  I'm sure I will report tomorrow.


    Tues, March 7 2006

    Well it all happened yesterday.  Right now, I'm not feeling like doing anything, expecially being clever or funny or witty or sarcastic.  I feel feverish.  My head hurts.  I'm achy and I didn't sleep very well last night.

    I went in there at 9:45 AM and I won't go into details.  I promise to spare you.  I was very nervous and very sad.  A few times I had to control myself or I would have jumped out of that dentist chair and hauled ass out of there.  When he was through I was exhausted.  I was wobbly on my feet.  I wondered if I could drive home, but the driving seemed to center me.

    I looked hideous. Seriously.  Like a monster.  The gap was bigger than I imagined it would be.  You could drive a truck thru it.  At 2:30 (isn't that a joke about dentists? 2:30?) I went to my corner dentist and he did the splinting.  I only had to be truly hideous for a few hours.  It feels like I have a piece of plastic in my mouth, which of course, I do.  It's the bonding agent. My old teeth were put back in.  So bizarre!

    I'm very sad and depressed.  My dentist told me that a person has a lot of emotional connections with their teeth.  This might be the last entry in this little account; this public attempt at coming to grips with an intense situation.  I remember, when I was freaking out, there was a radio playing.  I tried to focus on the music.  One of my piano teachers, an incredible Guru in my life once told me, when I was first out in public many years ago and feeling nervous, that "The music is the cure".  Perhaps this is the best place to end this. 

    I don't know.  Keep an eye out.
    Saturday, March 11, 2006 (Final Entry)

    It's been almost a week since all this happened.  My bottom front teeeth don't look bad at all except for the stiches on the gumline.  My whole mouth feels enflamed from infection or just being sore from this whole mess.

    I'm going to take this "story" down this week and possibly archive it with my other little short stories of anghst.  This bloggy thing helped me by allowing me to share something that I feared tremendously.  Thank you from so many friends who gave me support through it all.

    Come see me at Jolly's Piano Joint and let's get back to the  music.  Oh, and down forget to floss.